Boyfriend for Hire
by lilyplouisa
Summary: Old, somewhat lame, and discontinued. An unusual challenge fic. Look at the title. A fic involving Hermione and Draco.
1. Default Chapter

Harry Potter was sitting in the common room doing a Potions essay, Ron on his left and Hermione on his right.  
  
They were arguing. Again. As if they hadn't been arguing every night for the past year. Harry ignored them. He might as well. It wasn't like they knew he was there, or even that he exsisted.  
  
Or so he thought.  
  
"Harry, what do you think?" Hermione said suddenly.   
  
"Er," he answered, having no idea what they were talking about.  
  
"It IS disgusting!" Hermione exclaimed vehemently. "You're eating bacteria!"  
  
"So what?" Ron retorted. "It tastes good! Isn't that enough for you?"  
  
"Harry?" asked Hermione suspiciously, looking over at him. Ron turned to him too.  
  
"Umm, what are we talking about?"  
  
"CHEESE!" Hermione shouted, shuddering. "It's so disgusting! I can't even bear to think about it!"  
  
"It's NOT disgusting!" roared Ron. "It's delicious! It's a delicacy!"  
  
"So are snails," Hermione retorted.  
  
"This is RIDICULOUS!!" Harry hollered. "You're arguing over CHEESE!! Will you two just SHUT UP so I can do my homework in relative peace???!!"  
  
"Say it," Hermione hissed dangerously. "Side with Ron. Go on, you know you want to. You ALWAYS do."  
  
Harry looked at her hesitantly. She shook her head disbelievingly.  
  
"Damn." she said. "Damn you Harry and damn you Ron." The two boys flinched. Hermione was oddly quiet for a moment. Then quite unexpectedly, perhaps, she exploded.  
  
"I HATE THAT NO ONE LISTENS TO ME!!" she shouted. "I HATE IT! I'M NOT TAKING THIS ANYMORE!!! I'm going to find someone that WILL listen to me. Oh, you'll see, Ron." Hermione's voice, which had raised to the star-spangled sky, lowered in conspiracy. "By the time this is over, you'll wish you were dead." And with that, she stalked away, pushing open the Fat Lady's portrait and hopping down.  
  
"What are we going to do?" Ron whispered, pale-faced. Harry shrugged.  
  
"Maybe it'll wear off." He said bleakly.   
  
"Yeah, maybe." Ron muttered.  
  
"When pigs fly free." said Ginny flatly, walking over and taking over Hermione's now-empty chair. "You've lost your best friend, Ron. How does THAT make you feel?"  
  
"Harry's my best friend." said Ron defensively. Ginny sighed.   
  
"Have it your way." she said. "I give up."  
  
  
~~~~****@@@@@****~~~~  
  
"Crabbe, you are NOT the Taco Bell Chihuahua." Draco repeated loudly.  
  
"Yo quero Taco Bell!" Crabbe said happily, bouncing around the Slytherin common room on all fours. Goyle dashed after him and popped back up to Draco saying, "S'no use. That test in Transfiguration must've been the last straw. He's lost it."   
  
"Better get him up to the hospital ward," Draco muttered, "but how? He's too fat to carry." They thought.   
  
"Hey Draco," Goyle said suddenly. "Did you know that they turned the hospital ward in a Taco Bell???!!!" Draco looked skeptical for a moment, then his face lit up.  
  
"Oh yeah!" he said. "Let's go get a. . .a. . ." Draco struggled for the word, "Umm. . .nachos!"  
  
"What about you, Taco Bell Chihuahua?" Goyle asked Crabbe. "Will you come?"  
  
"Si!" said the new Taco Bell mascot. "You quero Taco Bell!"  
  
So Draco and Goyle led the way out of the common room, followed by a yipping Crabbe.  
  
Outside, Draco almost ran directly into Hermione Granger. Crabbe did.  
  
"A donde esta el 'Taco Bell?'" he demanded.  
  
"I didn't know you spoke Spanish, Crabbe." Hermione said coolly.  
  
"He doesn't." Goyle replied. "What did he say?"  
  
"And why are you here?" Draco added.  
  
"He said, 'Where is the Taco Bell?'" Hermione answered. "And I'm here because I have a business proposition for you, Draco."  
  
"WHAT??!!"  
  
"You two can talk business later." Goyle said hastily. "Help me get Crabbe up to the hospita-I mean Taco Bell."  
  
"Yip!" said Crabbe approvingly. Hermione looked at all three and nodded shortly. They walked in silence to the "Taco Bell," Crabbe ahead of them yipping.  
  
"What is this?" said Madam Pomfrey, staring at Crabbe when they reached her room.  
  
"He's lost his mind, ma'am." Draco said simply. Madam Pomfrey sighed.  
  
"All right, I'll take care of it. You students get to bed."  
  
"But-" Hermione said, glancing at Draco.  
  
"Talk about it over breakfast." Goyle suggested.  
  
"All right. See you in the morning." Hermione whispered, eyes gleaming.  
  
"G'night, Mudblood." Draco returned, grinning as Hermione swelled with anger. She tossed her bushy head and walked proudly out the door.  
  
~~~~****@@@@@****~~~~  
  
"Hermione, I want to talk to you!" called Ron as she entered the Great Hall the next morning. Hermione walked over to him and picked up a plate. Still standing, she piled it high with toast and bacon.  
  
"Yes?" she said coldly. Ron blushed.  
  
"I-I want to apolo-"  
  
"Don't even try, Weasley," Hermione said sharply, taking her plate and walking over to the Slytherin table. She sat across from Draco Malfoy and, as Ron watched, leaned over to speak to him. Ron's jaw dropped.  
  
"Told you." Ginny said quietly.  
  
"What is it you wanted again, Mudblood?" Draco asked embarrassedly at the Slytherin table.  
  
"I told you, Draco, I've got a business proposition for you." Hermione said impatiently.  
  
Draco wished fervently she'd at least call him Malfoy. "All right," he said, "I'm waiting."  
  
"I'd like to talk about it in private." she said and leaned forward to whisper in his ear, "behind the Herbology tents, just before Care of Magical Creatures. And having said this, she focused her attention on her breakfast.  
  
~~~~****@@@@@****~~~~  
  
Later that morning, Draco was waiting nervously in back of the said Herbology tents when Hermione came running up to him.  
  
"Sorry I'm late," she said, "Neville ate three of Fred and George's Canary Creams and almost got permanently stuck as a Canary."  
  
Draco rolled his eyes and thought, 'Oh, the trials of a Mudblood Gryffindor.'  
  
Out loud, he said, "I really don't care. What's this about?"  
  
Hermione got a very grave look on her face.  
  
"Draco, I need you to pretend you're my boyfriend." she said seriously.  
  
Draco burst into laughter. "Very funny." he said. "What is it really? Need me to get Snape to raise your potions grade? Need access to the Dark Arts or some funky potion?"  
  
"No!!!" Hermione exclaimed, reminded of the Polyjuice Potion in her second year. "I'm serious!" She pulled a drawstring bag out of her bookbag and dropped it into Draco's hand.   
  
"I'm trying to make Ron jealous." she explained. "I'm so tired of this, this arguing. I-I. . .I love him."  
  
Draco wasn't really listening. "How much IS this?" he asked.  
  
"A thousand Galleons." Hermione said. "And there's more where it came from. But, Draco, will you help me?"  
  
Draco stared at the coins. More money than this? Granger could buy the entire school Firebolts with it!  
  
Oh, and to see the look on Potter's face! What a Quidditch advantage!   
  
His father'd be proud.   
  
  
  
  
'If only I could somehow dupe the Mudblood into giving me more.' he thought.  
  
  
  
  
"I'll do it." he told Hermione, smiling deceptively.  
  
"Don't TELL anyone!" Hermione called after him as they headed in different directions for Hagrid's class. "Well, besides Goyle."  
  
Gregory Goyle was part of the plan. Weird, since he'd seemed such a dunderhead the year before.  
  
  
~~~~****@@@@@****~~~~  
  
  
Harry and Ron walked tiredly out to Care of Magical Creatures.  
  
"Why would Hermione EVER want to eat with the Slytherins?" Ron asked for about the billionth time.  
  
"I DON'T KNOW!!!!" Harry practically screamed. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"  
  
"Ask who what?" said Hermione innocently from behind them.  
  
"Ask YOU why you ate breakfast with the Slytherins." Harry retorted. Ron stepped on his foot REALLY hard.  
  
"Why not?" Hermione replied simply. "It's better than eating with you." Then she turned around and shouted towards Malfoy and Goyle, who were walking towards them, "Hi Draco! Hi Gregory!" Draco grinned and waved back.  
  
"Goyle!" shouted Goyle.  
  
"What?" Hermione said, a slight sense of dread raising in her stomach.  
  
"If I've told you once, Hermione," he panted, "I've told you a billion times, DON'T CALL ME GREGORY!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh, right!" Hermione said, relieved.  
  
"I wonder what we're doing," Draco said thoughtfully, skillfully avoiding Ron's gaze.  
  
"I THINK centaurs." Hermione said. "Come on!" She grabbed Draco's arm and pulled him down to Hagrid's hut, Goyle close behind.  
  
Harry and Ron stood flabbergasted behind them.  
  
As Hagrid stepped out of his hut, Draco swiped Hermione's hat off her head.  
  
"Hey!" she protested. "Give that back!"  
  
Hagrid was about to reprove Draco but stopped when he said, "Aww, c'mon Hermi!"  
  
A slight smile played across the girl's lips and she grabbed for her hat. Draco dodged it, laughing, and Hermione chased him across the grounds.   
  
Goyle sighed and turned a nearby mushroom into a Cauldron Cake.  
  
~~~~****@@@@@****~~~~  
  
Hagrid was incredibly worried about Hermione's strange behavior, so after his class he called all the teachers together for a conference.  
  
"Let me get this straight." said Professor O'Hara (the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher) jauntily, "you called us all here because one of your precious students is associating with a Slytherin? I see no problem in that."  
  
"You wouldn't." Professor McGonagall muttered.   
  
"It ain't like her." Hagrid said stubbornly.  
  
"Yes, Hagrid, you ARE right." Dumbledore affirmed. "But so is Elizabeth. We have no right to interfere in the students' social lives."  
  
Professor O'Hara smiled triumphantly.  
  
"But Professor-" Hagrid protested feebly, but Dumbledore stared him down.  
  
"I suggest that you all head back to your classes." he said loftily. "Good day."  
  
'Lucius will have to hear of Draco's unforgivable behaviour.' Snape thought evilly as he left the room.  
  
~~~~****@@@@@****~~~~  
  
Several Days Later. . .  
  
~~~~****@@@@@****~~~~  
  
Lucius Malfoy reread the letter several times and cursed softly.  
  
"Narcissus!" he called. "Narcissus!"  
  
His pretty wife appeared by his side.  
  
Lucius waved the letter in her face and Narcissus grabbed it. Her eyes narrowed as she read.  
  
"Lucius," she whispered uncertainly after she'd finished, "What are you doing to do about him?"  
  
"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO???!!!!!!!!!" he shrieked in an unaturally high voice. "I'll tell you what I'll do! I'll march down to that school and I'll-"  
  
"Don't be too hard on him," pleaded Narcissus. "He's just a boy!"  
  
Lucius ignored her.  
  
"Dumbledore-poisoning-my son's mind-this-this is certainly-CERTAINLY-the LAST STRAW. . ." he muttered.   
  
"So you'll not punish Draco?" Narcissus said hopefully.  
  
"PUNISH DRACO??! OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!" He took a deep breath.  
  
"I will not have ANY son of MINE MESSING ABOUT with a MUDBLOOD!"  
  
"Lucius, NO!" Narcissus cried. But it was too late.  
  
~~~~****@@@@@****~~~~  
  
At Hogwarts, Hermione and Draco stole out onto the grounds.  
  
"You're sure Potter and Weasley will be going down to that giant's now?" Draco hissed.  
  
"Of COURSE I'm sure." Hermione said. "I overheard them talking about it in Transfiguration, didn't I?"  
  
"Fine." Draco sighed. "Let's just get this over with.  
  
They ran over to a tree by the lake that was clearly visible from Hagrid's cabin. Hermione quickly scrambled up but Draco had a hard time finding a foothold. She giggled and bent over to help him up.  
  
At that moment, the front dorr to the castle burst open and Harry and Ron dashed out. Hermione and Draco both pretended not to see them, but Hermione purposely let go of Draco's hands, letting him fall to the ground.  
  
"Ow, Hermione, what was that for?" Draco said irritably.  
  
"Don't be such a sissy, Draco." Hermione laughed, pulling him up again.  
  
Ron, having heard something, turned slowly towards them.  
  
"Merlin's beard." he whispered. "Harry . . . look."  
  
"I think it's working!" Hermione said, a light in her eyes. She was slightly surprised when Draco put his arm around her, but then smiled and laid her head on his shoulder.  
  
Draco, disgusted, said, "You ARE paying for this," and completely ruining the moment.  
  
Hermione sighed.  
  
~~~~****@@@@@****~~~~  
  
The END  
  
~~~~****@@@@@****~~~~  
  
  
A/N Challenge fic, this is. Rules are:  
  
1) It must mention 22 different pizza toppings; mention toppings but no pizza.  
  
2) It must be romance.  
  
3) One of the main characters must be Goyle.  
  
4) Hermione must burn a book.  
  
5) Malfoy must kiss someone.  
  
6) Someone must believe they are the Taco Bell Chihuahua.  
  
7) It must mention all the colors of the rainbow.  
  
8) Someone must say, "It's amazing, how yellow orange really is."  
  
9) Someone must get into an argument about whether or not cheese is good.  
  
10)All the words from the Star-Spangled Banner must be used.  
  
I know I haven't done all the challenges, but HEY, it's only the first chapter!  
  
Nora gave this to me.  
  
SCARE YOUR MATH TEACHERS! STUDENTS OF THE WORLD UNITE!  
  
Disclaimer: Do not sue  
For if you do  
I will be blue  
^.^  
  
REVIEW PWEAZ! 


	2. Untitled.

Ron Weasley, who was suffering from heartbreak and denial, decided that he was going to be mad at Hermione. "I'll hate her." he told himself. "She's basically a Slytherin, right?"

But since Ron had almost all his classes with Hermione it was hard to think of her as being in a different house, though Hermione certainly acted it. Over the next month, she ate with the Slytherins, hung around in the Slytherin common room and there was even a rumor that she'd tried out for the Slytherin Quidditch team. All the Slytherins seemed to regard her as one of them--in fact, she was Professor Snape's new pet. And in all the classes they shared with the Slytherins, Hermione sat next to Malfoy, giggling girlishly.

Malfoy, too, was acting strangely. Around Hermione, he was almost sweet, even, and he bought her things for no reason, like a new broomstick and a small quill that turned into a dainty red rose. He laughed unevilly and seemed nervous around her, like one was in a room full of china dishes. Malfoy even stopped making fun of Neville, Ron and Harry in her presence.

Even stranger, if possible, was Goyle, who raised his hand and answered questions in class. He got perfect grades, knew the answers to everything and seemed to have taken the old Hermione's place. He was always seen around Malfoy and Hermione, rolling his eyes and eating carrots. Yes, carrots. And Crabbe had disappeared.

Ron, of course, had been sulking in the dormitory. He watched Hermione and Draco laughing on the grounds, never stopping to think about how improbable it'd be for them to always be outside his window. Needless to say, he'd been failing all his classes until Harry started doing his homework for him.

Harry had given up on reasoning with either of his friends and had taken to following Fred and George Weasley around. Not that they minded; Harry had an Invisibility Cloak.

After several weeks Lucius Malfoy had finally convinced the school governors to let him visit his son at the school and he finally threw the entrance doors open, stomped down to the dungeons, and yelled at the opening to the Slytherin common room until a disgruntled and depressed Pansy Parkinson let him in.

"DRACO!!"

Draco looked up from the Arithmancy homework Hermione'd been helping him with and gulped.

"Father. . . " he said fearfully, "I can explain this, you see--"

"Well, get on it boy." said the elder Malfoy coldly, crossing his arms. "And it better be good."

Draco looked at Hermione, who nodded her okay. The common room was almost empty anyway.

"Granger here has been paying-"

"How much?" sneered his father. "Unless it's above a thousand galleons, you have no excuse!"

"Erm, well, you see. . . ."

"I'm paying him three thousand galleons, sir." said Hermione oilly. 

Lucius whitened then nodded.

"Very well, then, Granger, if you have that kind of money I will need some to clear the family name." he said softly, eyes gleaming. 

Hermione sighed and reached into her bookbag. "If it'll shut you up." She tossed another drawstring bag at Lucius, who caught it and turned to leave before asking, "How much is this?!" 

"One thousand Galleons, sir."

Lucius smirked. "You'll be poor someday soon, Granger, giving away money like this. And if this is leprechaun gold, I'll be after your blood."

Hermione made a face at Lucius' back before answering, "You can trust me, sir."

Draco looked amazed.

*~*~*

End Chapter.

Disclaimer: The usual.

A/N: *shrugs* What do you want me to say? 


End file.
